A Lover Letter to Myself

Sandy Nguyen

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Self-care isn’t selfish. and affirmations aren’t narcissistic. I’ve been thinking about why it’s so hard to manifest these forms of healing and actually internalize them. and I think one of the first steps to get through is appreciating myself. A lot of us also aren’t used to receiving praise that has nothing to do with our physical appearances, so it’s hard to practice compassion on and show gratitude to ourselves. Like learning how to swim after growing up in the desert. But one of the greatest and most difficult things I’ve ever done for my mental health is to just appreciate myself, verbally, physically, and mentally. There are a lot of people out there who benefit from the shame that comes with hating my body, having low self-esteem, and the need to compete with others. I am choosing to reject that. So here’s a love letter to myself.

First of all, thank you.

I’m pretty sure I don’t thank you enough or at all. Second, I’m sorry if this feels wrong, foreign, awkward, annoying, or embarrassing, because I’m really just not used to celebrating you.

Thank you for:

Getting out of bed, even if you didn’t get dressed.
Getting dressed, even if you’re not going anywhere.
Eating when you were hungry.
Drinking water.
Taking a shower.
Taking most of your medications on time.
Walking around and soaking up the sun.
Watering all the plants.
Doing the dishes that piled up all over the kitchen counter.
Committing to things you care about.
Aligning yourself with people and things that bring you joy.

I appreciate you for:

Responding positively to treatment.
Setting up doctor’s appointments and going to them.
Four years ago, you would’ve stayed in bed instead of going or even cancelling.
Being honest and confiding in someone when you’re reached your mental limits.
Reading more and stimulating your brain.
Making great podcast playlists.
Going on a run after your panic attack, even if it was just for 10 minutes.
Looking at yourself in the mirror and not wanting to immediately turn away.
Naming your boundaries.
Walking away from a situation that wasn’t serving you.
Being worthy and deserving of care.

I am proud of you for:

Throwing away the trash that piled up in your room.
Doing that one thing you said you’d do three months ago.
Folding your clothes.
Opening the blinds.
Relying on yourself for happiness.
Enriching the lives of those around you.
Learning ways to show up for others.
Uplifting people you’ve never met before.
Having your own definitions of what productive means.
Recognizing behaviors that aren’t healthy for you.
Taking time for yourself to rest, whatever that might mean on any given day.

I admire you for:

Engaging in creative outlets despite being burnt out most of the time.
Still being an interesting person without your hobbies.
The care that you put into your work and what you’re passionate about.
Connecting with others even though you’re comfortable with being a recluse.
Making people laugh.
Trying new things.
Limiting your social media consumption.
Growing unapologetically.
Honoring your strengths and accomplishments,
Even if you’re probably still comparing yourself to others.
Seeing the value that you bring to the table, even if you’re eating alone.